


no amount of medication can black out the past

by itisjosh



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: "peachy" - cavetown, Amnesia, Angst, Fluff, Gen, Ghosts, Heavy Angst, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Panic Attacks, Past Character Death, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War, Recovered Memories, Repressed Memories, Scars, Sleep Deprivation, Trans Male Character, Trauma, Trust Issues, fundy is trans, more tags to be added eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27662714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itisjosh/pseuds/itisjosh
Summary: "Why does everyone always look so angry with me? Did I do something wrong?"
Relationships: Floris | Fundy & Wilbur Soot, Niki | Nihachu & Wilbur Soot, Wilbur Soot & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Comments: 51
Kudos: 445





	no amount of medication can black out the past

_There's nothing._

_And then there's everything._

_He feels a shooting pain running through his body, agony gripping at his chest and tearing him limb from limb. He feels his head start to spin, he feels his bones internally cracking and shattering, stabbing him. He feels something sharp plunge through his chest, tearing him apart. Burning pain grips his entire being, and he can't think of anything else. The pain doesn't stop, it won't stop, it hurts so much. Why is he being hurt? What did he do? Who's hurting him?_

_Wilbur blinks._

_There's nothing again._

_He feels the world spin around him, he feels himself crying. He feels a lot of things, and none of them are good. The agony in his chest is still there, constantly pulsing and making him want to vomit. Everything is black and it's so cold and he's so cold and where is he? Where is he? What happened to him why did it happen why did it happen why did he do that why did he-_

_"You're my son. You'll always be my son."_

_"Onto a new plot..to destroy Manberg."_

_"I thought you said he wouldn't hurt me?"_

_"Wilbur, this isn't..this isn't right."_

_"And as the emperor! Of this great country!"_

_"Down with the revolution, boys! It was never meant to be!"_

_"You're a shit dad, but you're my dad, so I guess you're not all that bad."_

_"Will? We're not going to lose. Dream can't keep fighting this war. We'll win. I promise."_

_"Independance, or death."_

_"We would rather die than give into you."_

_"Well, Phil.."_

_"It was never meant to be."_

_Boom._

* * *

Wilbur blinks, staring up at the sky above him. Why is he on the ground? He winces as he pushes himself up, shielding his eyes with his hand. God, the sun is bright. Where is he? Wilbur looks around, frowning at the gravestone next to him. Why's he next to a _gravestone_? Who died? He turns to look at it, shifting so he's finally sat up. He feels the air go out of his lungs, his eyes narrowing sharply at the sight. It's..it's his gravestone. What? When did he die? He was just alive, wasn't he? He was talking to Niki in her bakery, and they were laughing because he had fucked up the recipe. 

"Will?"

Wilbur turns to face the voice, relief coursing through his veins. "Tommy!" He rasps, wincing at the sound of his voice. Why does he sound like that? "I..I'm dead?" He frowns, standing up. "Where's.." he pauses, staring ahead of him. "Why's there a crater in the ground?" Wilbur crosses his arms, staring at the lack of a L'manberg. "I remember building walls. Where'd they go?"

Tommy stares at him, his jaw hanging open. "Wilbur..what's the last thing you remember?"

"I was joking with Niki in her bakery," he replies, smiling. "We were making bread. Niki's my best friend, right?" He looks past Tommy, the rubble drawing his attention. "Tommy, what happened? Did Dream blow up L'manberg?" The words feel heavy on his tongue, they taste like ash. "I..what happened, Tommy? I remember.." Wilbur closes his eyes, furrowing his eyebrows together. "I remember an election. I won that, yeah? I remember winning the election. The one with Sch- I..don't remember his name, but I know that I won. That was recent, wasn't it? Tommy? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You..you really don't.." Wilbur watches as Tommy hugs himself, looking scared. "Phil? Phil!" He turns, shouting. 

"Yeah, Tommy? What's u- _holy fuck_ ," Wilbur blinks. " _Will?_ But you're..you're supposed to be.." 

Wilbur frowns even more, crossing his arms. "Why are you acting like I'm.." he tilts his head. He recognises that look in Tommy's eyes. He's scared. Why is Tommy scared? "I thought you'd be happy to see me," he murmurs. "Since I- since I died.." he swallows. "Didn't you miss me? Wait, is Niki okay? That's the last thing I remember, we were baking bread together in her bakery. Is Niki okay? Since I'm dead, does that mean.."

"She's fine," Phil shakes his head. "Tell me what you remember, Will. All of it." 

"Um," he clears his throat, shifting uncomfortably. "You're looking at me like I did something bad, Phil."

"Tell me what you remember." 

Wilbur squares his shoulders, hurt embedding itself in his chest. "Why won't you tell me what I did?" 

"You didn't do anything, big man," Tommy smiles at him, leaning all his weight on one leg. "Phil's just tryna get to the bottom of this. It isn't every day that someone comes back from the dead, you know?" Wilbur nods, his nerves calming. Tommy is right, which he hates to admit. 

"Okay," he breathes out. "I remember Fundy! He's my son! I remember watching him growing up, and I- I remember Sally," Wilbur sighs. "She left a long time ago, didn't she? Um, I remember..Niki! Of course I remember Niki, she's my favourite! She taught me how to bake!" He laughs, ducking his head. "I remember sparring with Techno, when we were kids. He always won, but I remember that I had fun. I remember winning the election, and I remember winning the war. The one with Dream. Speaking of," Wilbur gestures over to L'manberg, frowning. "What happened?"

Phil shakes his head, opening his mouth. 

"Nothing!" Tommy claps his hands together, whirling around on his heels. "Nothing, big man. It's always been like that, don't you remember? When Dream blew it up, it left some permanent damage, you know? We've been spending a lot more time trying to fix it, and it's going well." 

"Okay.." Wilbur looks down at himself, raising an eyebrow. "Where's my uniform? Why am I wearing this? Wait, y- you're not wearing your uniform, either. Why'd we all decide to take them off?" He asks, running his hands down his jumper. It's soft, and it doesn't feel like it's there. The hell? "Tommy, Phil, I..I'm really, really confused." 

"Yeah," Phil sighs, closing his eyes. "I get it. Do you remember anything else, Will?" 

"I remember wings," Wilbur narrows his eyes, scanning his dad up and down. "Didn't you used to have wings, Phil?" 

Phil laughs, turning away. "I did, yeah. Come on, let's take you back to L'manberg." 

Wilbur follows as they walk, and he can't help but think that they're lying to him.

* * *

_"Where are we?"_

_"Purgatory, big guy," the ram laughs. "Where else would we be? Well, I know that we're both going somewhere a lot worse than this."_

_"What? Why would I go there? Why would you? Who are you?"_

_The ram stares at him, his eyes eerie and unnatural. "You don't remember me? Damn," he laughs. "Okay. Look down, Wilbur." Wilbur does, gasping when he sees.._

_There's so much blood._

_Why is he bleeding?_

_What happened to him?_

_"What?" He whispers, clutching at his stomach. Blood trickles down his hand, and he tries to hold himself together, to keep himself from bleeding out. "What happened to me? Who did this? What?"_

_"You really are a sight for sore eyes," the ram giggles. "Damn. You remember nothing, huh? Well, I can tell you that your dad stabbed you. Yeah, I see that look in your eyes."_

_"He wouldn't do that," Wilbur shakes his head. "You're lying."_

_"When have I ever lied to you before, Wilbur?" The ram asks, wrapping his hands around his throat. "Never. You asked him to, and he did. I'm surprised you even had to say anything. If I was him, I would have drowned you in the river as soon as I found you. You destroyed so much. Look around us, Wilbur!" The ram screams, his face contorted into a sharp grin. "Look what you did! This is all you! You see this? The destruction? The fire? Look!" The ram snarls at him. "You did this! You blew up your home! You're so fucking useless, Wilbur, my god. Look at what you did," the ram giggles, "this was all you."_

_Wilbur feels his eyes roll back into his head, and he wishes he could protest, he wishes he could say that the ram was lying._

_He feels like he's burning._

_"Raise it one more, bitch."_

* * *

Wilbur is tired. He's really, really tired. He hasn't been able to sleep, and he doesn't know why. 

Everything _hurts_ , especially his chest, especially his stomach. 

No one comes to see him that often, and he..he doesn't know why. No one is telling him anything.

When Fundy saw him, he looked disgusted. Niki just looked resigned and sad, and Eret looked..

He looked worried. Why would he be worried? Tubbo was angry, Tommy _is_ angry. Wilbur can tell that he's angry, and he doesn't know why. A man named Quackity came to say hi, and Wilbur doesn't remember meeting him. 

"Where's Techno?" Wilbur asks, interrupting Quackity. "Where's my brother?"

"Uhh," Quackity laughs, running his hands through his hair. "Uh, well, he's..sleeping?" He offers. "Somewhere else? His house isn't in L'manberg." 

Wilbur stares at him.

"Okay, okay. He got into a fight with Tommy, and they're stubborn, and they won't talk to each other."

"Okay," Wilbur nods. That sounds more like them. It isn't the first time that it's happened. "How did we meet?" 

Quackity laughs, closing his eyes. "It's a long story, man. It's a real long story."

* * *

_"Sally?"_

_"Why did you leave?"_

_"You know how salmon are," the woman in front of him laughs, her eyes sparkling. Wilbur remembers falling in love with those eyes so long ago. "We always leave eventually, Will."_

_"You left Fundy, too. Why did you leave him?"_

_Sally shrugs, standing up. She moves in front of him, resting her hand on his face. "Why did you destroy his home?"_

_"I- what?"_

_"You heard me," Sally grins, and it sounds..no, nononono- "Wilbur. You really thought she'd come to see you?" The ram asks. His eyes are still Sally's._

_"I don't know who you are," Wilbur whispers, tears trailing down his face. "Tommy said Dream destroyed L'manberg."_

_The ram laughs, clapping his hands together. "Of course he did! He's your brother, Wilbur. You really thought that he'd tell you the truth? Why don't you ask Quackity about it?" The ram giggles. "He's always been my bitch. He'll listen to me. He's scared of me," the ram pauses. "And so are you. Good."_

_"I don't.."_

_"So's your precious Niki."_

* * *

"Did I do this?" Wilbur asks, gesturing out to L'manberg. It's barely been a week since he came back, and he's more confused that he's ever been. "Niki?"

"No," she smiles at him, resting her head on his shoulder. "You'd never do this, Will."

Wilbur closes his eyes. "I feel like you're lying to me."

"When have I ever lied to you?" He tries to remember a time where she did, and he can't.

"I guess you're right," he laughs. "Do you know how I died, Niki?"

"Yeah."

"How?"

"I'm not going to tell you."

Wilbur frowns. "Why?"

"You don't need to know." 

"Okay."

* * *

_The ram leans over him, his hand resting on Wilbur's. "Press the button, Wilbur. Do it."_

_"What happens if I do?"_

_"You'll see," the ram grins. "Push it. Come on, you know you want to. You know what it does," he giggles. "You know what it does! Don't play dumb, Wilbur. I know you know."_

_"I don't!" Wilbur protests, reaching up to grip at his head. "No! Stop, stop..stop, I don't.."_

_"You do," the ram whispers. "Push the button."_

_"You know what they say, right, Wilbur?"_

_"It was never meant to be."_


End file.
